Your expectations of yourself are likely high. That’s a natural dancer tendency. If you’re ready to dig a little deeper into what can get you to work harder and smarter, this post is for you.

In Gretchen Rubin’s book, Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of our Everyday Lives, you can find a lot of insight to help you master your work ethic as a dancer and a person. Here are the types of people and how you might capitalize on them.

Rubin separates people into four main categories: Obliger, Rebel, Upholder or Questioner.

An Obliger:

Someone who is motivated by external incentives (this one is very common — it definitely is the one I relate to most, and I can see this being true for many other dancers as well). Obliger’s are not as easily able to meet expectations they’ve placed on themselves, instead they’re motivated by external validation.

If you’re an Obliger, you may work harder with certain teachers than others depending on who gives you more feedback.

You’re not in a bad spot if you identify with “Obliger.” You can definitely create situations with external validation to propel you forward.

In the area of cross-training, an Obliger should probably work one-on-one with a coach or trainer, or take group exercise classes where you’re able to get the outside validation that you crave.

Even working with a friend whom you’re set on impressing would help you to work harder in a cross-training or practice situation.

Maybe try taking barre, pilates, or yoga classes with instructors who give lots of personal attention and validation.

I’m definitely an Obliger. In college, I was able to work on partnering outside of partnering class only because someone else was there with me. For variations, I had to enlist a friend to come watch and give me feedback. I definitely needed that external validation, but clearly, there are ways to create it for yourself.

I was never the person who could just go to a studio and work super hard on my own with no one around. And you know what? That’s totally OK. Just identify what you need.

The Rebel:

Hates being told what to do and resists both external and internal expectations. I’m sure you can think of at least one ballet Rebel that you know, but this one is not common among dancers.

As a Rebel, you’d be best served to find ways of improving your dancing in your very own methods. You might look more analytically at technique or strengthening in order to identify what makes sense to you (and possibly no one else).

The Upholder:

Is able to reach both external and internal expectations. These are probably the friends whom you’re most inspired by. The ones who seem to work so hard all. the. time. Even when no one is watching. (I always wished this was me; however, I really needed the feedback from teachers to feel like I was accomplishing anything).

As an Upholder, you’ve got a lot of options in the areas of cross-training and improvement as a dancer. You can work out on your own and create exercise plans that you’ll likely stick to even if no one else has any idea what you’re doing.

Upholders can go for a swim, do some cardio, weight train, or work on the pilates reformer independently and still work their hardest and see improvement.

Finally, the Questioner:

Resists outer expectations but meets inner expectations. If you’re a Questioner, you have a lot of drive but likely always take corrections or outside feedback with a grain of salt.

Questioners can certainly be great dancers, but they might butt heads with artistic staff or choreographers. They have a lot of internal preferences and want reasons why a movement might be done a certain way.

Rubin suggests that rather than try to change your natural tendency, you should acknowledge it and work within your inclination.

Be true to who you are. When I work with dancers to reach health and body goals, considering the natural mindset tendencies is key. You might thrive when you create your own plan or you might do better with some set “rules” from me. To reach your personal best body goals, honor what you need and seek out the support that will get you where you wish to go.

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Most dancers have roommate living experience starting at a young age and it’s something you’ll continue to deal with. There are lots of things to consider that can make it go well.

Living on your own for the first time is a very big step. In addition to starting at a new school or company, you’re living in a new city. It’s up to you to make sure you go grocery shopping, clean the apartment, do laundry, pay bills, and make dinner (all of the #Adulting).

You don’t have your parents to fall back on when your rehearsal schedule gets crazy. Though if you and your roommate get along I’m sure they would be willing to lend a helping hand.

The biggest part of living on your own is living with a roommate, whether it’s for a summer program, college, or the real world.  There are a slew of living situation possibilities, each with their own unique potential problems and issues.

I’ve lived with close friends, acquaintances, and strangers I got roommate – matched with. I’ve lived in dorms where I had to share a room, a forced triple, and had my own room but shared a common room/living area in both an apartment and house. Roommates can really either make or break your living situation and life outside of dance.

Here are some tips for navigating living on your own:

Call Your Family

When you’re accustomed to living with a group of people every day, you’re naturally going to miss them when you move out. You don’t need to call them every day, but a once a week check in is always a good idea.

Make it part of your weekly schedule. In college, I always called my mom on Thursday nights. Calling your family it a great way to fix a case of home-sickness.

Set Up Responsibilities

Decide right away who puts their name on the utility (water, electric, internet, etc) bills. Pick the roommate that will stay on top of the bills and always pay them on time.

Decide as a group how often the dorm room or apartment will get cleaned. Is there a scheduled cleaning day where everyone works together or is it more a clean as you have free time in your schedule?

Draw Boundary Lines within the Living Space

Don’t pull out the masking tape the second you move in to make literal lines within the apartment. Establish what is personal space and communal space.

Usually, bedrooms are personal space and the everywhere else in the apartment is communal space.

In the kitchen, make sure each person has room to store their food – a shelf in the fridge and a cabinet or shelf in the pantry. Mostly this is an unspoken rule, but if you feel that your space is being invaded, speak up.

Make Your New Space Feel Like Home

Do whatever you need to do to make this new space fee like home. It could mean covering the walls with photos of friends and family, sleeping with a comfy pillow or blanket, and hanging all the twinkle lights (if your dorm or apartment allows it).

Food

Discuss your stance on food with your roommate. Since fueling yourself as a dancer is so important, you need to make sure you have everything you need.

Decide if you will go grocery shopping together, split food costs and/or share food. Learn if your roommate is ok with sharing food if you run out. Are they ok with you grabbing one of their bananas if you run out? When in doubt always ask.

Never take something if it’s the last one. No one likes going to make a snack or meal and finding that they are out of the ingredients because someone ate it without asking.

Stay In Tune with Each Other’s Schedules

This is definitely easier to do when you’re dancing in the same company, with the same schedule each day. If you aren’t, consider keeping a calendar in the common living space with everyone’s schedules.

Be aware of when your roommate has an early call for work, rehearsal, or a show. Don’t be crazy loud when they are trying to get some sleep. In college dorms they often have quiet hours for this exact reason.

Have Set Rules About Guests

If necessary, set rules about guests/friends coming over. Establish, how far in advanced do you need to ask and give notice to your roommate that guests are coming over. Put it on the schedule if a friend is coming over or staying with you overnight.

Don’t be Afraid to Call People Out

Don’t be afraid to call out your roommate for leaving dirty dishes in the sink or forgetting to turn a light out. If something drives you crazy let your roommate know, don’t let your annoyance fester.  

You Won’t Always be Besties with the People You Live With

You don’t have to be best friends with your roommate, but if you are that’s fantastic! Make sure you’re on pleasant terms with your roommate, you are living with them after all.

Feel that you are on good terms where you can co-habitate in peace. If you want to bond with your roommate more, suggest making dinner together or have a movie night.

The post Tips for Living on your Own with Roommates for the First Time appeared first on The Whole Dancer.