When you start dancing, it’s about the joy of it. You just love to move, and you enjoy the challenge of striving to be better, stronger, more lovely. There’s this great sense of achievement when you’re able to improve something from a technical or artistic perspective. It’s about growth.

As your journey in dance progresses, you become more aware of the physical aesthetic. We get messages that this is a thin art form. Because of the age you start ballet, it’s not uncommon to take the messages you’re receiving from teachers, artistic directors, and the dance world and come to the conclusion that thinner is just better.

After my first summer intensive away, my teacher tapped me on the thigh and told me, “that wasn’t there before.” I had gained weight over the summer. I was 13 and had not yet gone through puberty, so it made perfect sense. My takeaway from her actions and words was that I should do something to change my body.

I decided that my thighs were not OK for ballet. I had to make them smaller. So I started a journey of damaging practices with food that lasted for nearly 15 years. 

Dieting at any age is not sustainable.

A true, total transformation is necessary to make positive, healthy, long-term adjustments. It took me until my mid-late 20s to figure that out, but I’d like you to know and believe that truth now. 

I was able to make it to the professional level despite my struggles. Not all dancers see that end. Many burn out well before achieving that “pro dancer” job title.

Wherever you are with your technique, it’s easy to think that if your body were different, you would look like a better dancer. You would instantly be a better dancer. Let’s try to erase that concept from your mind. Better dancing CAN happen now, independent of how your body looks.

During my first professional dancing job, I was living alone. I was in a new city and had some friends in the company, but overall, the experience was quite riddled with stress. My food struggles were exacerbated by stress and loneliness. 

My dance journey became almost solely about my body. It was about how I looked and how big I was much more than technical or artistic growth.

If you’re struggling with this, I want you to know you’re not alone. Many dancers fall into the pattern of restricting food then overeating. It easily becomes a yo-yo cycle that has a huge negative impact on your confidence in yourself and your dancing. If you fear you might be in disordered eating territory, speak to a therapist or seek treatment. I work with many dancers as a health coach while they’re also working with a therapist.

Whatever your ballet body image story, you can move through this struggle.

Just because other dancers might not admit it to you, it doesn’t mean they’re not suffering. They’re likely worrying about how they look or how they think they should look.

One of the big shifts in perspective that helped me to move past my ballet body image story was the realization that everyone is walking around much more concerned about what’s going on in their own head than what you look like, the things you consider your “flaws,” or your body.

Want some more in-depth actionable support on this topic? Check out the upcoming free workshops.

Free Workshops August 2021:

Build Body Confidence for Dance

Formulate Your Dancer Fuel Plan

If you’re working through body image struggles, eating issues, or how to approach food in a more balanced, healthy way, consider enrolling in The Dancer’s Best Body Program.

This post was originally shared in January of 2018.

It was edited for content and clarity in August of 2021.

The post My Body Image Story in Ballet appeared first on The Whole Dancer.

If you’re struggling with body image, you’re not alone. When faced with your reflection each and every day in just a leotard and tights, it’s easy to get caught up in judgment. I started offering this exercise to my clients who were really struggling in the body-image department. For some of them, a shift happens after incorporating the exercise just once. For others, it takes a bit more time and consistency.

The Whole Dancer Body Image Booster is a great place to start if you struggle to come up with any positivity concerning your body. If your body image struggles feel insurmountable, start here.

Yoga and meditation-inspired body image booster.

When I stopped dancing, yoga was the main exercise I picked up. Some of the value came from the absence of mirrors. It was also helpful to focus on the strength and power within my body instead of on the external. The Body Image Booster is inspired by the Savasana (Corpse Pose) in yoga and meditation.

If meditation intimidates you, I totally get it. So often the intimidation factor comes from the thought that we have to meditate for a long period of time in order for it to be effective. In the Body Image Booster, you can lay on your mat, the floor or even your bed for as little as 60-90 seconds, and the impact can still be profound.

The Body Image Booster How-To:

• Lie on a mat, the floor, or in bed first thing in the morning.

Make this your first daily activity to set a positive tone for your day. This way, you’re also more likely to actually do it, instead of putting it off. If you don’t have a rejuvenating morning routine yet, use this to kick things off!

• Close your eyes; tune into your breath.

Slow, mindful breathing is calming. When you tune into your breath, you’re setting yourself up for a less stressful day. Work to incorporate the practice of tuning back in to your breath any time stressful moments or experiences arise throughout the day.

• Place 1 hand on your heart and 1 on your stomach.

Physical touch is key, especially if you have any “body-checking” habits. “Placing your hand on your heart is considered a safe touch action, and even from ourselves it acts like a trigger to release oxytocin and can help bring our entire body back into a state of calm and trust.”¹ Oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” has a positive impact on relaxation and trust and can decrease stress and anxiety.

Allow the hand on your stomach to encourage belly breathing. Let your belly and hand rise and fall together. “Diaphragmatic breathing, or belly breathing, is a way of breathing that helps induce a more calm, relaxed state. It is something that you can do anytime, anywhere, that quickly diffuses feelings of stress and anxiety.”²

Finally…this is a big one:

• Thank your body.

Think about all the things your body does for you. Start simply. Your body carries you through life. It allows you to walk, move and dance!

Combining these two touch points while speaking to yourself lovingly brings The Whole Dancer Body Image Booster to life.

Does This Exercise Scare You?

If you struggle with this physical connection or have a hard time coming up with positive things to say to yourself, here are a couple alternative strategies that might help:

What would you say to a young child or a best friend if she were struggling with body image?

What would you say to your younger self or what do you wish someone else said to you when you were young?

Cultivating positive body image and loving yourself exactly as you are right now is key to reaching your personal best dancers’ body. It’s part of The Whole Dancer 7 Step Best Body Process as you cultivate self-love and confidence.

Achieving positive body image is like working a muscle-the more consistent you are, the better you get at it, and the more easily you’ll come back to a positive body image.

Notice when the most challenging days come. If you’re particularly stressed, tired, or PMS-ing, you’re more likely to struggle with body image. Reconnect to your body and mind. Return to gratitude. As you incorporate more healthy practices to achieve positive body image, your positive self-perception will be more consistent.

The post Do This to Achieve a Positive Body Image appeared first on The Whole Dancer.

When a Friend is Being Negative

We’ve all been there…innocently warming up for class and a friend unleashes hatred; onto herself.

She’s looking in the mirror and starts to pick apart her body and appearance. She says her butt has grown since last season or her thighs are clearly bigger.

Is this fishing for compliments? Looking for validation? Perhaps. It’s totally possible she’s just looking for you to tell her she’s fine. Or that she looks the same or better or at least “good”.

It’s also possible that she’s hoping you’ll chime in with some self-loathing of your own. Maybe she’d feel better if you start talking about what has gotten “bigger” or “less toned” on your own body.

This situation is hard to navigate and it’s hard to know what the best way to respond might be. You can watch this video for some ideas, or if you prefer, read on!

Try sharing with your friend how you deal with your own body image insecurities.

For example, try saying, “instead of focusing on a perceived flaw, I try to think about how my body is serving me”. Share how your negativity makes you feel and how you cope with it. That might help her see how to flip things to a positive.

It might also help to let her know how you feel when surrounded by negativity. Let her know that those negative comments make you feel helpless and you’re unsure how to help her turn it around.

You want your friends to be able to talk to you when they’re going through hard times. You might encourage her to come to you for support rather than venting or getting lost in negativity.

This might be a friend you’ll end up needing some space from.

It’s hard to stay positive when you have a friend who’s constantly focused on what’s going wrong. It’s totally acceptable to take space from people who are making it hard for you to live your best life.

Maybe you can help your friend to see the positive. Ask her, “what’s something about your body or your dancing that you love?” Remind her that she’s not alone and that there are also plenty of positives to focus on.

Don’t internalize your friends negativity or project it onto yourself. Don’t compare your body to hers. This is a big one! If a friend is complaining about her body and you view her body as “ideal” it’s normal to get lost in comparison.

When those thoughts come up, put the focus on your gifts and encourage her to do the same. Come back to gratitude. Your body allows you to dance! When you take care of your body and mind, you’ll be able to show up more fully and do your best dancing.

Find the light. Find your positivity. Focus on what’s going well.

Remind yourself what’s going well with a gratitude list. Simply write down 3 things you’re grateful for and remember that you have a lot of good stuff going on in your life. Even in trying, uncertain times it’s possible to find something positive to focus on.

The only person whose approval you need is your own.

When you approve of yourself, your confidence will soar!

In Conclusion…

Everyone is on their own journey. Each of us has to learn life lessons on our own. As much as you might be focused on the positive side of life, you can’t force your friend to do the same. If you’re committed to growing and improving as a dancer, maintaining body positivity will be a game changer.

One of the biggest things dancers struggle with is confidence. If you can work towards body positivity and remind yourself about what’s going well, you’ll have the potential to grow your confidence exponentially. Don’t discount the value of seeing your own worth.

If you’re struggling to stay body positive, check out this post: How to Create a Positive Relationship with Food and Your Body

The post How to Stay Body Positive in Dance appeared first on The Whole Dancer.

When you rewrite your body story and work to believe the new story you’ve created, you’ll feel empowered. You’ll start to see that even if someone else has a preference that your body doesn’t happen to fit into, it’s OK. You can find a place that celebrates and supports your unique shape, movement quality, and love for dance–come on, that’s what it should be about!! Those are the dancers who shine.

More often than not, I take my dancer clients through the process of rewriting their body stories. The power in reframing the context of your experience is immeasurable. 

Kathryn Morgan’s recent share about her experience with body shame and criticism while dancing at Miami City Ballet, highlights the importance of taking back the power. You get to write your body story, no one else.

Where our “stories” come from…

Your body story started forming when you were quite young. For some, it begins as young as five or six years old as you notice the world around you. People say things, perceptions form. It might be hard to remember a body memory from that young of an age, in which case, your earliest memory is a good place to start.

I’ve often shared where my body image issues began (for full details on that, read more here). I was thirteen and had just returned from my first Summer Intensive away. My main teacher at my home studio tapped me on the thigh before class and declared, “that wasn’t there before.” From that moment on, I was pretty obsessed with diets and always thought I should be smaller. I thought losing weight was imperative to becoming the best dancer I could be.

So think back…what’s the earliest memory you can remember that started to shape your perception of yourself or what a body in dance should be? Write it down. From there, think about all the comments you heard over the years. Write down all the comments you remember whether they were directed towards you or a group.

It can be painful to recount all the experiences you’ve had that made you feel badly about your body, but facing them is going to help you move on and rewrite your story.

Gathering evidence to back them up.

From those first body feedback experiences, you start to gather evidence to back up that negative perception you’ve created. So when you don’t do well in an audition you’ll revert to the thought, “it’s because of my thighs, just like Nadia said.” 

You start to use each bad audition or casting experience as evidence that your body is not good, too big, or just not right for dance. When you stay in that mindset, you won’t be able to support yourself with positivity, optimism, and possibility.

What’s worse: when you get positive feedback you’ll find a way to discount it. 

Research shows that we have a built in “negativity bias.” It’s much easier to focus on and remember negative experiences than positive ones. This is why rewriting your story to focus on all the good is essential. Even more important: you need to give yourself reminders throughout the day that there’s lots of good potential and positive things to focus on.

Rewrite your story.

Think about all the positive feedback you’ve received over the years. Just like you did with the negative, try to remember your earliest memories. Were you good at staying in line as one of those party kids in the Nutcracker? Did a teacher compliment you on your tendus when you were 8?

In addition to the actual positive comments, write down memories of teachers who were particularly encouraging, positive, and supportive. Who saw your potential and made you feel like you could succeed and achieve your dance goals? Go into as much detail around these memories as you can.

Once you’ve compiled all your positive memories, bring in some imagination and creativity. Go back to your experiences as a young dancer and rewrite them in your memory with only the good. Erase the negative experiences from the paper and your memory. What would it have looked like if you only had positive, supportive experiences? How would you feel? Would your approach to auditions, company class, and casting be different?

Keep coming back to your new body story.

Since we’re hardwired for negativity, you’ll have to come back to your new, positive body story each and every day. Maybe you read it every morning or take it with you in a journal when you go to auditions. 

Confirm for yourself–the positive is your truth. You get to choose what you believe. Believe the good, and trust the people who encouraged you along the way. The naysayers are usually projecting their own pain and negativity onto you anyway. Forgive them and let them go–their pain is not your responsibility.

What if you don’t rewrite your story and take the negative feedback as fact?

This is when people quit, burn out, or lose their passion for dance. It’s why my career ended in my late 20’s instead of continuing until I was truly ready to say goodbye to ballet. 

The body negativity will tear you down if you let it—it might take months or years, depending on the situation.

Rewrite your story so you can see all the good you have to offer as a dancer, an artist, a human.

Interested in working with me to reach your body goals, find unshakeable body confidence, and rewrite your body story for good? Apply for Elite Best Body Coaching.

The post Rewrite Your Body Story appeared first on The Whole Dancer.

Casting and Weight:

It shouldn’t happen. Or if it does, it really shouldn’t be the opener for a conversation about your body. If the Artistic Staff where you dance decides they can’t cast you in a certain role because of your body and they say that to you, don’t allow it to take you down.

The reality is, if you have the capabilities technically and the desired movement quality, that really is all that should matter. 

When your weight is used as a reason not to cast you, it’s possible there’s something else they’re not telling you. Weight is a common scapegoat. We use it as an excuse for ourselves (I can’t go to that audition because I’m not at my “ideal” weight) and the staff around us use it as an excuse to not cast you.

If you come up against this feedback and you’re happy with your body and dancing then it might be time to move on. This isn’t easy advice. Job’s in dance are hard to come by but it’s about your mental well-being. Constantly being told your body isn’t right, if you feel perfectly happy with where you are physically, will start to take it’s toll.

Seek out positions at other companies where you’ll be supported to stay at the weight that’s healthiest for you.

A client of mine had this experience where she was dancing. There were numerous meetings about her body and weight (with little support provided) which is why she started working with me. She came to the conclusion that it was time to move on. She’s now dancing at a different company where she’s cast well and supported exactly as she is…no weight loss necessary.

Some things to think about if you’re unsure of the body feedback:

Are you happy with where you are physically?

Are you still improving technically and unimpeded by body image issues or physical limitations?

Do you feel energized and healthy?

If you answered YES to all of those questions, then it may definitely be time for a change.

If you decide you want to stay where you are, ask for support. Will the company provide nutritional and/or psychological resources? Do they at least have people to refer you to who have gotten results for other dancers?

Be blunt. Ask the question, “What resources are available to support me?” If they have nothing to offer but you wish to stay at that company and agree that some body change could be healthful and beneficial, seek support.

Make gradual changes and make sure the Artistic Staff is on the same page with your plan. They won’t see change overnight. No crash diets.

Through all of this, stay aware of your intrinsic value. As an artist and person you have a lot to offer. Remind yourself of that fact often!

The post Casting + Weight appeared first on The Whole Dancer.

It starts…

It started when I was 13. I’m not sure I had much awareness of my body shape before then, except that I was sometimes called “skinny.” It seemed that it was considered a good thing, so I remember taking it as a positive.

When I was 13, I went away to my first Summer Intensive. I ate the way my newfound friends did. It was a lot more food than I was used to, but I had never danced as much as I was either.

I definitely gained weight. My body had changed. I was prepubescent, so a few more inches of height were coming my way. In the meantime, I had just added bulk, and one of my regular teachers let me know.

A turning point

One of my first days back at my year-round studio, I was sitting outside a class observing before my own class started. My teacher patted me on the thigh and said, “that wasn’t there before.”

That was a turning point in my life. From that moment on, no matter my weight, my thighs were too big. I no longer considered myself “skinny,” even if someone else said it.

My thighs were fat. Therefore, I was fat.

At the time, I made the goal to never get above 100 lbs and decided on a low fat diet to achieve that aim. I’d only eat foods that had 3g of fat or less. This meant cereal, an english muffin with jelly for lunch, and whatever my family was having for dinner.

In order to keep any disordered eating habits secret, I kept up appearances at dinner.

I lost the weight I had gained at my summer intensive. I also decided that all future summer intensives were opportunities to lose weight.

It becomes an obsession

The feelings around my body were pretty much all negative. My worth was dictated by the number on the scale. In my teens, I started stepping on the scale obsessively throughout the day. The pain I felt each time I saw the number (that I was never happy with) radiated throughout each day.

My efforts to “restrict” were quickly dashed by the feelings of deprivation. I became an on-and-off binge eater switching off between “restricting” (being “good”) and binging (being “bad”).

Throughout my teens and early 20’s, my weight fluctuated. It never got dangerously low, so I somehow avoided any official Eating Disorder diagnosis, though one was clearly there.

During that time, I didn’t see anything good about my body. I didn’t appreciate my hyperextension or bendy feet because I was too busy hating everything I saw in the mirror.

College

When I went away to college, I was faced with the dichotomy of being a dance major with a lot of non-dance friends. For me, drinking and disordered eating had a hard time coexisting. If I drank too much, I’d lose control and end up eating. Still in the restrict-binge cycle, it was easy to fall back into extremes.

My sophomore year, I was injured and didn’t dance for a semester. I gained a lot of weight and weighed more than I ever had (though technically still at a healthy BMI). This led to more drinking (to dampen the pain and self-loathing), more eating, and lots of negative thoughts.

That summer, my goal was to lose the weight I had gained and then some. I wanted to return to school looking thinner than they had ever seen me. With more disordered eating practices, I succeeded.

It didn’t last.

Knowing only extremes, I had gone on an unsustainable raw-vegan diet. Somehow, with the ups and downs in food intake and the high level of activity I was able to maintain a low weight (though not as low as I wanted) and got my first professional job.

The body I wanted

Dancing professionally brought a new level of stress. Coping with the pressure of trying to prove myself while hating my body moved things to a breaking point.

I was burning out and felt powerless to stop it.

When I looked in the mirror, while I felt there was improvement, technically, too much was still too large.

I was convinced that the problem with my dancing was my body. If only I were thinner, I would get the job or the part. It was validation. I wanted “them” to tell me I was good enough…worthy.

Never enough

I reached a goal weight my second year dancing professionally, so I lowered my goal….In the moment it still wasn’t clear to me that no number would make me happy.

As I continued pursuing dance professionally, my negative body image was one of the most consistent things. It threaded its way throughout my journey stealing joy from moments that should have been satisfying.

An end, almost

After a pretty bad foot/ankle injury that I struggled to come back from, I stopped dancing. Cold turkey. I went from grinding in the studio 6 days a week to nothing.

 I started taking yoga classes. Listening to what the instructors said, I actually began to appreciate the capabilities of my body.

The absence of a mirror was a gift.

The other big thing that happened was I stopped caring what other people thought. When I stopped seeking external validation, I was able to truly take care of myself.

Over time, I stopped dieting. To heal my relationship with food and my body, I allowed all foods. None were “bad.” It was all just food.

For the last 7 years, if you asked me, I’d have said my body image issues were resolved. I honestly stopped hating my body. In fact, I love my body and myself.…I’m perfectly imperfect and totally unique.

The evolution

In all honesty, there were moments when a negative thought would pop up. However, I became a true pro at squashing them upon arrival.

Then, last fall, I got pregnant with my first child. Something we had planned for (though it didn’t happen right away). Throughout pregnancy, I welcomed the physical changes. I was (mostly) ok with the scale going up knowing that I was growing a human.

It was after my daughter arrived that some body issues resurfaced.

It’s worth noting, that with pregnancy and postpartum, there’s a lot going on. Physically, emotionally, spiritually—you’re firing on all cylinders. And for the most part, I was able to remind myself– you just birthed a human,” and “it took 9 months of pregnancy to get here; your body won’t bounce back overnight.”

But, I also googled, “how long does it take loose skin to tighten?” more times than I’d like to admit.

Ultimately, I knew that the foundations of body positivity that I had been setting for the last 7 years would support me through this new phase. Walking the walk in the principles of healthy eating + positive body image that I work through with each of my clients will support me in finding peace as my body and the way I view it continue to evolve.

One of the things I focus on with dancers is gratitude. I’m so grateful to have my beautiful baby, I’d choose her over abs any day of the week.

What’s next?

For you, if you relate to my experience, I’d love to hear from you. How has your body image evolved? If you’re struggling, know there is a way out. As dark as you might feel at times, the light has a way of finding its way in. I’d love to support you on your journey to body positivity.

Focus on what’s going well. Practice gratitude. Seek support.

For me, I can accept that my relationship with my body image will continue to evolve. I plan to model body positivity and self love for my daughter in hopes that she’ll be able to avoid some of the pain of negative body image.…I recognize what a challenge this will be, but I’m fully committed.

Do your best to see yourself in a positive light, it leads to a life of endless possibilities.

The post The Evolution of Body Image appeared first on The Whole Dancer.

Share about your story in dance:

My name is Julia Cinquemani. I am in my third season as a professional ballerina with Miami City Ballet. Being a part of this world class company has allowed me to live out my dream to perform an extensive repertoire on some of the largest stages in America. Formerly, I was a Principal Dancer with Los Angeles Ballet. Altogether, this will be my tenth year as a professional ballerina and my eighth year as a business owner of my dancewear line, Jule Dancewear.

I started ballet when I was four years old. I grew up in Dallas, Texas and trained at Dallas Ballet Center and concurrently at Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts. I spent my summers training at The School of American Ballet summer intensive for 5 consecutive summers in New York City. I left home at age 16 to train two years with the Professional Division at Pacific Northwest Ballet in Seattle, Washington before landing my first contract with Los Angeles Ballet.

I danced with Los Angeles Ballet for seven years and rose through the ranks achieving Principal Dancer at age 23. Throughout my career I have danced many dream roles such as “Odette/Odile” in Swan Lake, and “Aurora” in The Sleeping Beauty, “Giselle”, “Kitri” in Don Quixote, and “Juliet” in Sir Frederick Ashton’s Romeo and Juliet at Los Angeles Ballet. Most recently, I performed “Hippolyta” in A Midsummer Night’s Dream with Miami City Ballet.

What inspired you to start Jule Dancewear?

Even though ballet is first and foremost in my life, I have always had entrepreneurial interests and a love for fashion. I started designing, sewing and selling wrap skirts at my hometown dancewear store in Dallas at age 14.

After I made enough money with that small business, I decided to invest in more ideas I had for creating better fitting dancewear. I started Jule Dancewear in 2011 with a goal as a young professional dancer and female entrepreneur to “reshape dancewear”.

My mission is to design and produce dancewear that offers support, conforms to all body types, is high quality, and incorporates the latest in fashion with a commitment to made in the USA.

Your line is all about promoting confidence and dancewear that flatters the dancers figure, love that! Why are those ideals your focus? Have you had any struggles with confidence or body image?

When I created Jule Dancewear I was in my teenage years and my body was going through a lot of changes. I found the need to create a leotard that offered coverage and support for dancers with curves. I hated that my ill-fitting leotards were making me self conscious in a profession where confidence is key.

I wondered, are there any leotards on the market that cater to this need, and that are understood and designed by a dancer? That is when I asked a pattern maker  to incorporate the support of a sports bra into a leotard.

As a result, we are known for reshaping the dancewear mold to support all body types. I now design all types of dancewear I see a need for. Every detail of each design is carefully tailored to function and flatter all body types.

I test and choose the highest quality fabrics and incorporate the latest in fashion. All products made in the USA where quality is high and our standards are met. I believe in the importance of doing my part to sustain my local community of garment manufacturers in my hometown of Dallas, TX. 

What do you hope dancer’s will feel when wearing a Jule leotard?

I hope dancers feel confident and beautiful when wearing Jule! It’s about being able to showcase and express who they are as a dancer without worrying about what they are wearing. Dancewear should work as hard as we do! It brings me so much joy to see my designs come to life on my peers at Miami City Ballet.

In this industry self love and confidence is very important. If I can help someone feel good about themselves with something as simple as what they are wearing, then I feel like I have done my job. Every dancer should have the confidence they deserve!

How do you balance Jule and your dance career?

It is not easy running a business and dancing full time with a major ballet company. It takes lots of structure and planning ahead. At Miami City Ballet we have a 2 month period off in the summer. During that time I return to home to Dallas, TX to work with my pattern maker and knock out all of my designs for the year. I am so grateful to have such an awesome team in Dallas that keep up with the daily work that is required.

Thank you Julia, for creating such an incredible line of dancewear with a truly beautiful mission! Would you like to WIN a Jule leotard for yourself? Here’s how:

1. Follow @juledancewear
2. Follow @thewholedancer
3. “Like” the giveaway post
4. Comment and tag 2 friends on the post
5. Comment as many times as you want 2 new friends each time (no celebs, brands, or giveaway accounts allowed)

WIN : the new Jule Dancewear Velvet Royalette leotard in your choice of Dust or Peach

The post Jule Dancewear Feature + Giveaway!! appeared first on The Whole Dancer.

Every day since I was around 12 years old, I looked at myself in the studio’s mirror for any changes in my body. And if I am completely honest, I still do. However, I do it in a different way now, and especially after I took The Dancer’s Best Body Program and thought more about what my body truly needs.

Once puberty hit (which did not affect me on a big scale), and my muscles began to grow as a result of not applying correct ballet technique, I then started to get concerned. So yes, I have been “dieting” since my early teens.

My story gets even harder after I hit the age of 15, where I began to restrict myself with an almost “no-carb-no-fat” diet. I was going to dance Swan Lake, so… I had to look my best!

Of course, I reached a beautiful figure for the stage, but it did not last. One other result I had from this diet was losing my period, which is never a good sign.

When I moved to the United States from Venezuela a lot changed. I experienced a combination of stress, eating bigger portions, having huge cravings for carbohydrates and not knowing what to choose at the grocery stores.

I gained around 26 pounds. And when I got my period back, it all got worse with my hormones. The United States’ food is different, a number of chemicals, preservatives, sugar, and salt are extreme. I was not used to that.

For two years I tried different things: going vegan, trying Herbalife shakes, gluten-free, going back to my restricted diet, going to a great nutritionist, etc. Yes, there is a lot of information I have grabbed from different sources, and I have learned from my failures. What diet do I have to follow? Should I just starve? Should I just eat fish instead of being vegan?

I needed answers!

The Dancer’s Best Body Program helped me find the answer. If you put all the information that is in the modules together, you will get THE secret for your body’s success. You are guided to finding what is best for YOU.

This program refreshed the information I had in my memory, but Jess made everything very clear. The course does not only have details about macronutrients, how to balance plates, or how to choose the best food plan and foods at the market, but also how to apply those to our everyday dance routines and achieve a balletic yet strong body.

But I think that the most important thing The Dancer’s Best Body Program taught me was that I have to focus on my mental state first hand. I realized that I had been my worst critic and I was beating myself up every day at the studio. My self-esteem was on the floor, and I was unmotivated.

I don’t need to beat myself up if I eat a certain thing. I don’t have to care about what other people say about my body.

I don’t have to pay attention to that day I took class a little-bloated from the meal beforehand.

I don’t need to compare myself to others.

I don’t need to look at myself in the mirror and hate everything I see. 

The Dancer’s Best Body Program will not only help you succeed by providing the information about the best foods out there and how to balance those into your busy routine but also it will definitely help you to apply the information to create what is best for YOU.

YOU are your own boss, so listen carefully to what Jess says and listen to your body’s needs. We only get one body, and if you take care of it like a treasure, it will definitely be grateful and will dance everything you ask it to dance.

Are you interested in results like Claudia’s? The Dancer’s Best Body Program is open for enrollment thru February 4, 2018. 

For more on Claudia’s Journey visit her blog at Claudia’s Journal

The post Claudia’s Journey to her “Best Body” appeared first on The Whole Dancer.

I can trace my eating disorder back to when I was 15. I was at a nutrition lecture at a ballet summer program. The nutritionist took a tub of Crisco and dumped it onto a student’s hand and said, “That’s a donut.” I haven’t eaten a donut since.

That summer I decided that I would only eat junk or dessert on weekends. I would turn down offers of Skittles, Swedish Fish and other sweets or snacks from friends at lunch during school. They thought I was just being a crazy dancer. Some admired me for being so disciplined and focusing on my health.

When I got to college, my habits escalated. I was deathly afraid of gaining the Freshman 15. My class and rehearsal load was significantly less than the schedule I had in high school. As a result, I spent more time in the gym and Pilates studio.

With my spare time, I went through Pilates Mat Instructor training. I didn’t have time for lunch in between technique classes, so lunch was often an apple and a Luna bar. I would freak if I didn’t eat at least one salad per day.

Many students got sick from eating ill-prepared meat from the dinning halls, so I was terrified of eating chicken on campus. I couldn’t get into the social life because on weekends everyone drank like fish. As a control freak, I had problems letting go.

But what really got me was the constant mental reminder: alcohol is calories. I would spend extra time in the gym punishing myself for a night out drinking. It should have come to no surprise to me that I had a stress fracture in my left fibula after my first semester.

I moved back home when I got my first professional contract. I was living with my parents and food issues subsided a little. But lunch was a meal I continued to avoid. During rehearsal periods, I would get 15, maybe 20-30 minutes for lunch. I was doing contemporary ballet rep that involved a lot of partnering and getting thrown around. I didn’t want to upchuck on my partner, so lunch was often limited to an apple, some kind of veggie, and maybe a handful of granola. I would then go home and have a huge dinner.

From 18-21, my weight fluctuated depending on injuries, how much I was dancing, and the rep I was dancing. I subconsciously lost weight to fit a costume that was two sizes too small for me, but that’s what my cast A counter-part wore, so I had to wear the same costume.

When I was 20, I practically lived on my own while at a summer program. I lost the weight I gained while out on an injury, and then some. People kept telling I looked really skinny. I took it as a complement, but looking back that’s when people started to show their concern.

I remember one of the guys I was dancing with telling me I should go eat a bag of chips. Another dancer told me I should go eat a sandwich. I wasn’t getting the hints.

The following summer, I lost even more weight between long class and rehearsal days, sweating in the Florida heat, and unappetizing options at the dining hall. I liked how skinny I was then and I wasn’t going to change that.

My fellow dancers showed concern but not enough to right out say something. At that point I was living on my own, so my food accountability was non-existent. If I didn’t feel like making dinner, I would just snack on veggies, nothing that amounted to a full meal.

In February 2015, I finally realized I had a problem. I turned to my roommate at the time and admitted I have a problem. Her first response was: “I know. I figured that out within a week of moving in with you.” A month later, I was visiting my doctor for a sinus infection, when I admitted I didn’t have a good relationship with food. She referred me to The Renfrew Center.

On April 13, 2015 I checked myself into the Renfrew Center’s Intensive Outpatient Program. It was three evenings a week, three hours each day. An average day included a group session, dinner, and a second group session. These days were also supplemented with individual weekly therapy sessions, and dietician meetings.

In my second group meeting on my first day, we did an exercise called voices not bodies. We talked about how you have to use your voice, not your body, to communicate what you are feeling. Verbally tell someone you’re hurting instead of denying yourself the fuel it needs.

It clicked that that is what I had been doing to my body since I was 18. When I got to my car that night, I cried out of relief. I was no longer alone. There was a whole group of women who had the same problem as me, and were working together to change that.

I discovered why I started my eating disorder in the first place. I learned that my root mental problem was: I’m not good enough (which sounds familiar to any dancer).

I learned coping methods for stressful food situations and how to prevent myself from using eating disorder symptoms to handle life’s stress. I learned that an eating disorder is a very lonely disease.

It’s a secret filled with shame that you keep locked inside. The first thing you learn in recovery is that you are not alone. There are people who want to heal just like you, and there are people that want to help you heal.

I met the most incredible women at Renfrew, both staff and fellow patients. It was great having a fantastic support system for seven weeks who were so invested in your life and progress. We would have check ins and the beginning and the end of the week to see how you were coping with stress, adjusting to new food plan or therapies, or life happenings.

The most important thing I learned was how to eat a healthy amount every day. I had to relearn natural eating habits. I had a meal plan that outlined how many servings of each type of food I should be getting.

We had to learn what was considered a serving with the Renfrew system. I still do a mental meal plan check in to see how I’m doing some days, seeing if I’m getting enough nutrition.

The fun part of treatment was rediscovering the love of food and cooking. For therapy homework I was instructed to try new foods and recipes. I found what was comfortable and safe food, and ventured into what was exciting and new.

I learned how meal prep is so key for stressful weeks and long rehearsal days. I’ll make a large batch of something (for example fried rice with veggies, or quinoa with chick peas and veggies) for dinner, which will also be lunch for the next 2-3 days.

Dancing during recovery was certainly a process. As part of my recovery, I had to gain five pounds to get to a healthy weight. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it felt like a lot.

The summer following my treatment I would look and the mirror and I wasn’t sure what looked good or what looked healthy. I wish my treatment had included how to look at yourself in the mirror, but I was the only dancer in treatment, so the topic never came up.

If anything they encouraged us to stay far away from mirrors. It took at least a year until I actually could look at myself in the mirror and be ok with what I saw (though we all sometimes have rough days). On the positive side, it felt so good to have more energy for class and rehearsal.

Going through treatment made me realize how hyper-focused I was on ballet. It made me take a step back and ask myself what else can I be passionate about besides dance? Because lets be real, the stress of ballet and life is what made me sick.

The summer after treatment I took a month off. It wasn’t planned it just happened. I went on vacation, did school work, and worked extra shifts at the dance store. I just needed to take a breather from dance. When I came back, I worked hard to reignite my passion.

While going through recovery it was really hard to talk to friends and family about it. My roommate at the time was my first supporter; she even came to group family sessions with me.

My mom, who I gradually explained my struggles to has been my biggest support since. She still checks in on me at least once a week. When I go home for dinner, she makes sure that I leave with a ton of leftovers to get me through stressful rehearsal weeks.

My dad still doesn’t understand it and at this point probably thinks it just went away. He doesn’t realize that I still check in with a therapist every other week. I didn’t tell many of my friends. But the ones I did tell said they were glad I was getting help.

An eating disorder is not something that goes away overnight or the second you leave treatment. It’s a long, twisting journey with lots of bumps along the way. It’s something on your back burner that if you don’t keep checking on it, it might boil over. It’s a diligence of self-care and working on you.

Today, I’m not as forward with mentioning that I’m two and a half years into recovery. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I had such a stereotypical ballerina problem. But it’s why I applied to be an intern at The Whole Dancer. I wanted to help dancers that were going through what I had gone through. I wanted to stop being afraid of sharing my voice, my story, and rise against the eating disorder stigma the dance world has created.

The post Intern Jessie Shares her Eating Disorder Story appeared first on The Whole Dancer.